How a Fairytale Dashed My Dreams

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock or lost on a desert island these past few months, you know this week is a big week in the name of love and Britain. That’s right. It’s Royal Wedding Week -- and even though we Americans are ferociously against aristocracy, we are still suckers for the commoner-meets-prince fairy tale. Thus, news of the grand affair is filling our airwaves and magazine racks.

For me, however, this week represents something a bit sadder than fairy tale endings. It represents dashed childhood dreams. When I was in ninth grade, I was sure Prince William would be mine. I knew all eight (or so) names included in William’s complete royal name and made everyone I knew call me “Princess Colleen.”

“How,” you might ask yourself, “did you still have friends after that year?” That is a good question. I do not know the answer myself, actually. I also don’t know how my parents endured this fantasy. I remember one evening my mom asked me to clean my room, and I responded with, “You know, British royalty never have to clean their rooms!!!” Hahaha. I was grounded.

Anyway, years past, William aged poorly, and I forgot about my teen obsession. Today though, I received the following e-mail from my old neighbor, and friend’s dad. Keep in mind, I haven’t talked to this man in years:

Colleen,

This must be a very tough week for you. I hope you are seeking help and support. Please accept my most heartfelt sympathy. I know it has been your dream since your were a little girl to be Prince William’s princess. This would have been your week! All the glamour, glitz and glory!

Actually, throughout all these years I have been quietly planning to attend your big ceremony in the Westminster Abbey. Surely, you would have invited your favorite old neighbor! Now, (sob) I didn’t get invited to this week’s festivities. This is kinda tough on me, too.

But, I guess it wasn’t to be. Keep your chin up. Don’t ever forget, you will always be a princess to your Dad. (There is something special about daughters) And, perhaps some gentleman more becoming to you will make you his princess.

Obviously, Prince William does not know what he is missing. Hey, wait. You do have a couple of days… Naa, it would be tough to get his attention now. I assume he has already had his bachelor party. Perhaps you could have made your move then. Probably too late now.

Take care of yourself during this difficult week and think of positive things. I know you will get through this. Just like the little choo-choo train said as it was climbing the mountain, “Yes, I can! Yes, I can!”

Thinking of you this week,

Al

Wow. I must have made a bigger fuss about it than I remember. Should I be embarrassed? Or should I pick up the habit again? After all, all hope isn’t completely lost...there is still one more prince left to marry. Perhaps, to England, I shall go...no?

Bunny Cakes and Other Forced Traditions

Who here thinks it’s impossible to mess up boxed cake? Well, think again, and bring me in. The picture to the left is my attempt to make a bunny cake for Easter. Needless to say I failed, and seriously injured this longtime family tradition.

Let’s be real about “traditions” in my family. These days, they are are often forced. The bunny cake tradition began some time in the early nineties, and even though we are all grown now, my mom refuses to let the tradition go. Perhaps she holds on for the near-futile hope that one of us might actual have kids someday soon. Prols not gonna happen for awhile, mom.

The bunny cake isn’t the only tradition forced upon us year after year. Another one is called “Cookie Day,” and takes place about mid-December. Apparently, Cookie Day has been a Callahan family tradition for decades - and by decades I mean since 2005. In my recollection, Cookie Day began when I was 22 (yes, out of college) and my mom got sick of making all the Christmas cookies herself. Instead of just asking for help, she turned it into some longstanding tradition that I ostensibly didn’t remember for the first 22 years of my life. Who knows? The tradition of Family Spring Cleaning Day could begin this year!! So many options for forced traditions in our family!!

But back to the bunny cake. What I did wrong was put olive oil in the batter, instead vegetable oil. Apparently you can’t do that. How was I to know? It seemed like the healthier option! Alas, it was the option that brought silent doom to the bunny cake. So next time you don’t want to ruin a family tradition, remember this one piece of advice: vegetable oil never fails. Bake on