Monday, April 30, 2007

Desperate Conversations

I hate when you have the kind of conversation that causes painful wincing in retrospect. The kind of wincing where you literally curl your body and distort your face. Unfortunately, this seems to happen way too often for me. Mainly, it happens with people who I have nothing to converse about to begin with, but due to the pressure of social obligation I start chatting it up anyway.

Like, today for instance; I was in the elevator lobby of the 8th floor, and so was a forty-something secretary who works on this floor. Now she’s a very nice lady and she seemed to be writing a card for someone, so I inquire:

Me: “Is that a present?”

Secretary: “Yes, my mom’s turning 79 today.”

Me: “Oh! My grandma’s 88!”

Brilliant Colleen! That in no way relates to how her mom's turning 79! And I’m sure she really wants to know that your grandma’s 88. Esp. since your grandmother is only ten years older than her mother. Stupid.

So I continue anyway:

Me: “Yeah, my mom’s 51, so my grandma had her pretty late.”

Secretary: “Oh really, your mom is so young.”

Me: “Oh yeah… I guess. Well my sister’s 18 and I’m 23.”

What? Why did I feel it was my obligation to tell her the age of every single person in my family? Maybe I should have told her my great aunt was 65 ½.

Seriously, the things that come out of my mouth when I get desperate to formulate some kind of conversation. There have been worse attempts in the past, where I’ve said the kinds of things that make me want to eternally hide my face from the world. I can’t even get into them or I might convulse.

So moral of the story – next time when I have nothing to say, I’m going to stick with the usual “safe” phrases people say. Like, “It’s so (pick your weather condition) outside today,” or “It’s Friday (or Monday),” or in the example of Anne, “Umm….shoot I forgot what I was going to say.” Or perhaps I’ll go Allison Kraus’ route, because often times, I say it best when I say nothing at all.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

The Color of Impulse

Once in a great while, a person makes a mistake so shameful that to show their face in public is completely mortifying.

This happened to me last Friday night, as, in a moment that’s consciousness could be described by the color of my new box of Clairol; I turned my normal-brown hair into a blazing, pumpkin orange color.

Yikes. You can imagine my dismay as I uncovered my head. I had only wanted blonde hair! The mirrors’ reflection hit me like a shattered dream. The previous night I had been at a bonfire, tonight, I had turned myself into a bonfire. Somehow, in the process of “highlighting,” my hair, I had decided to merely dye chunks of the hair around my face and the part, and not dye the roots. Thus the ash brown roots resembled charred wood, from which blaze orange flames sprang, lightning to a blonde color on the ends which were frazzled like a smothering fire. Beautiful.

Consequently, I knew immediate action would have to be taken. The soonest “immediate” could happen though, was the next day – and I still had to go out that night. Luckily, I have a really cute green hat. So I plopped that on my head for the night, and as soon as the sun woke me Saturday, I went on a mission to find an open hair stylist. Four phone calls and $150 worth of cutting and dyeing later, my hair was back to normal. Actually, it was way better than normal, so maybe it was worth it:). Beauty from pain people:).

In conclusion; the lessons I learned from this mediocre tragedy are as follows:
I really can empathize with Britney Spears
Heed warnings: I disregarded the multiple warnings I received from beauty professionals (a.k.a. my sister and her boyfriend, yes my sister’s bf is a beauty professional…), against dyeing my hair blonde.
Do not change your looks on an impulse. It is a very expensive mistake.
When you are bored, read a book.
Hats are really great, and blasé brown hair really isn’t that bad.

Below – you will find a picture of my “low night.” As well as the fab job my heroine hairdresser did in fixing my mistake.

Before:

And After - it finally looks normal again! Yeah!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

When thinking just does no good...

“College,” people often tell me, “teaches you how to think.”

Well that’s great, and true, but what I really wish college would have taught me is how to get a freaking job. Because you know what, empathetic thinking skills don’t really do much good as I’m being continually rejected for menial paper-pushing jobs.

A year after college found me wishing I couldn’t think AT ALL as I shoved paper in a scanner for eight hours a day. In fact, it took me TWO YEARS of self-education outside of college before I was learned enough in the field of “getting a job,” to actually get one.

So thanks college, for teaching me the color perception theory of graphic design, and journalism ethics. But what you should have is a class on is how to look good on paper, how to sound good at an interview, how to run a copier and how to KNOW people.

For when you are in an entry-level job, no one cares if you can analyze every single line of Anna Karenina – they don’t care if you’ve “learned how to think,” because guess what – they can think too, and some of them, didn't even go to college. What they care about is if that expert report is written on time, and if the copies ARE NOT defiled by smudge lines. Heaven forbid.

So because of my lack of education in the PERCEPTION IS EVERYTHING and DETAILS, DETAILS, DETAILS field, not only did I lose tons of money to meaningless classes like “Horticulture,” I also subjected myself to the huge opportunity cost of being unemployed for a great majority of my first year in the Real World.

Well, the good news is I actually found a fairly good job after two years. Sadly, while I did learn a lot in college, I think I’ve learned more job-related skills – and perhaps gained more intelligence in general – in this short time in the Real World then I ever did in college.

But that’s okay I guess – because after four years of learning how to think, and two years of developing job skills – I finally have both. Maybe that’s not such a bad place to be.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

So...what makes me so "hip":)

The other day, as I was reading the City Pages, eating sushi and drinking red wine in my uptown duplex, I was struck by a realization. Perhaps, I am becoming and urban hipster!

I mean – sure – I love to go to Caribou, but only the uptown one, and I order tea most of the time I go. Plus, I have recently found myself engaging in all sorts of "urban hipster" activities, such as searching thriftyhipster.com, taking dance lessons at a downtown studio, and attending concerts that don't cost $80 and don't have the names "Britney," or "Justin," attached to them. (OK OK I would still like to see Justin, but.......that doesn't make me "unhip").

So you can all applaud me now:) That in the twilight of my twenty-third year, I am finally leaving my third-tier suburban upbringing behind and branching out to more mod frontiers. Sure, some of you will attribute this awakening or "re-definition" to my roommates; particularly Cristina's incessant social pleadings to partake in any event that peeks its head out, or Molly's ambitiously eclectic style - but personally, I would like to think that the new, trendy me has always been inside, and just need a safe environment to come out in...

Anyway, to smoothly segue into a new subject - the night in which I found myself with the sushi and wine - ended up beginning in an extremely "un-hip" way (picture a party in Inver Grove Heights that consisted of pop in plastic cups, and being greeted by the dad as we walked in with beer). So that got Molly and I engaged in the analyzation of social groupings. In other words; what makes people hang out with each other? Which factor is the heaviest determinant on who a person's 'group' will be? Is it education-level, beauty, upbringing, culture, talent-level? I would be very interested in hearing your thoughts, y'all. So to speak in 'hip' terms: "holler at me yo."

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

NOW that's what I call music: Top Pop Songs

Everybody! Rock your body because this is the post you have been waiting for!
After thorough research – I have developed a list of top 21 (I needed 21 spots) pop hits of my time. “My time” begins sometime around 1995 and continues to this very moment. Although I tried to refrain from putting super-current hits on the list (such as “Irreplaceable”) because being new, I am still in the honeymoon stage of my relationship with them, and may have a somewhat blinded opinion.

Also – I am sure this list will change in the coming days as more hits come to my mind and others alert me to memories faded. That being said here is my compilation (OK and I started out doing least to greatest, but I couldn’t really rank the last ten, so the top ten are ranked and the last ten are all tied for “last ten”:


21) Wannabe, Spice Girls (1998): The tune turned the world to "SpiceWorld" for a good three years.
20) One, Two Step, Ciara (2005): This song will rock it and not stop it forever.
19) Lose Yourself, Eminem (2002) – I put this one in even though it reminds me of times I want to forget…And it did win an Oscar, I’m pretty sure it was the first rap song to win an Oscar, plus it was the only thing that made 8 Mile good.
18) Toxic, Britney (2003) – UM I ALMOST FORGOT about this song. This is taking Michelle Branch's place.
17) Complicated, Avril Lavigne (2002) – Ahh…the debut of Avril. Don’t you remember her ties and skater chic video? I do. Plus this whole CD is going on my “top albums list.
16) Hips Don’t Lie, Shakira (2006) – I took a belly dancing class being singularly inspired by this one video.
15) Angel of Mine, Monica (1999) – Okay okay so I have nostalgic bias to this song. Ten bucks to whoever can guess why I like it…If I weren’t being fairly objective on this list it would’ve been way further up in rankings.
14) Ocean Avenue, Yellowcard (2004) – This song makes everyone 18 again.
13) Where is the Love, Black Eyed Peas/Justin (2003) – A combination of two musical geniuses, one old song, and an inspirational message equates to GREATNESS.
12) Crazy In Love, Beyonce (2003) – This is just one of those songs that will never get old.
11) Slave for You, Britney (2001) – Who can forget the snakes? I loved the snakes.
10) This Love, Maroon Five (2003)
9) Since You’ve Been Gone, Kelly Clarkson (2004/5) – Umm…perfect break up song. I always put this on the break-up CD’s I make for people. And yes, I make people break-up CD’s, sometimes it is needed. If you want one, break-up with your boy/girlfriend.
8) These Days, Rascal Flatts, 2002 – I don’t care who you are, this song brings you to a different place, a fabulous place.
7) Baby…One More Time, Britney, 1999 – This song is iconic. It began her career and inspired many schoolgirl/pigtail outfits. Plus her dance moves in this video are now a cultural norm. It’s true; Britney inspired me way too much in my teenage years…
6) Bye, Bye, Bye, ’NSync (2000) – I remember the first time I heard this song. I remember flipping out. I remember the way Justin stopped, looked at the camera and laughed in this video and my 16 year-old heart stopped. I remember my all-night senior grad party where boys who would never admit to knowing this song emulated its dance moves while hypnotized. This song is seriously a pop legend.
5) Ironic, Alanis Morisette (1996) – Rain on your wedding day got a whole lot worse thanks to Alanis. But hey, life also has a funny way of helping you out when you think everything’s gone wrong.
4) Waterfalls, TLC (1995) – I still have this whole rap part memorized. ‘you claim the insane and name the date and time for falling prey to crime I think the system’s got you victim to your own mind…’ RIP Left Eye, RIP.
3) I Want It That Way, Backstreet Boys (1999) – Amazing.
2) Always Be My Baby, Mariah Carey – While it is true that you have a problem if you cannot get over someone in forever, and that you will also be very depressed, this song is so great that it makes unrequited love seem like a fairy-tale fantasy.
1) Come on Over, Christina Aguilera (2000) – No matter how many times you play this song, it will never ever get old. It is the epitome of happy-go-lucky, roll your windows down with your girlfriends, dance on a summer night, universal pop fun. When this song is on, all is okay with the world.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Learning to Live in Tension

As it is commonly known, people crave security. People ache for comfort, stability and control. I, in particular, have felt this ache overtaking my life in recent weeks – so it’s lead me into one of my intensely “profound” thought cycles.

Humans, and I think maybe women more than men, are desperate for security. We seek it sometimes as scavengers – needing to feel that life will turn out our way: I will live until I’m 90, I will have a perfect marriage and three healthy girls, and I will have a house in the suburbs with an income that allows for all of life’s finest comforts.

But the more you think about – you realize that no matter where you live, who you marry, or how healthy you may currently be, security is an illusion. Maybe that’s why people in third world countries often seem so joyful despite their circumstances; because they understand that stability is a lie, and have learned to live with joy in the moment.

As Americans, however, the delusions of security are all around us; the sturdy house in the suburbs, the promises of a happy ending in our movies. We have come to believe in its reality, though even in America it is a mirage in the desert. And maybe that’s why we are so anxious – well I am so anxious anyway, because we refuse to acknowledge life’s uncertainty and cannot teach ourselves to live in peace amongst its tension.

We often look to God to give us security – thinking that in him, we will have the earthly security we need. I think we are wrong again. Nowhere does God promise us earthly security. What God promises is peace in the tension and insecurity of this world, and that what’s best for us in the end will somehow prevail. So often I demand of God: “Give it to me black or white God,” I say “I need a clear cut answer now or otherwise I will flip out.” More often than not – I find myself flipping out, because I feel God leaves things gray.

As I look back on past and current situations that have caused me mountains of anxiety – I ponder on the questions I demanded of God, and the confusion his seemingly misdirected answers left me. And I’m beginning to realize God doesn’t give us answers that necessarily lead us to a solid conclusion. I feel that God looks at our lives as processes, processes that may not lead us to determined endings, but do lead to us knowing him more. Only when we acknowledge life as this way, an insecure, unstable journey, can we really rest. Because it’s there we learn to live in full surrender to God, and in this, we are filled with peace amongst the tension.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Me and Conference Room 4B; A Love Story

Oh Conference Room 4B, where would I be without you. You complete me. Your attractiveness is irresistible, with the intricate beauty of your mass produced, square-printed, plum carpet, and your strong beige walls that proudly display a clashing green and aqua waterfall poster. Many may think that poster was surely placed by a blind man, but I know you – and I know that you are just demonstrating your electiveness. You are an original, and always charming with your spontaneous ways!

Like just like the other day – when I was surrounded by your glorious presence and someone else in the room spontaneously asked for my opinion on a subject. You kept me on my toes, as I desperately racked my brain for a subconscious thought regarding what they were talking about. You will have to forgive me for my lucid answer; I was just too busy planning in my head what I would wear to impress you tomorrow.

Please don’t take that as me finding our discussions boring, because they are far from. How could I live without our enchanting conversations on organic web searches, analyst day supplies, navigation content, or prepaid suite product info? These subjects are just a few of the captivating, entrancing ideas you use to entice me back into your presence, day after day…

And Conference Room 4B – you make life seem worth living, for every detail that is divulged between your pretty walls you display in a remarkably dramatic light, one I never deemed possible. Just the other day – you remember – we found out together from the lady in the corner that the web site launch was two days behind.

Now normally I would have brushed this off as an insignificant detail. But you filtered the issue through the intensity of my co-worker, and made me realize that this was an issue to raise the terror alert for! Two days! Why – the world must be ending! For every detail counts, as you so lovingly remind me. How I appreciate you! Without you, life would be SO boring.

Conference Room 4B – you haunt my dreams, I can’t stop thinking about the view from your window that somehow always seems to demand my attention. Or the number of age lines there are on the wood of the conference room table – yes, yes, even with all our interesting discussions I still get enraptured in the details of your beauty.

And the happiest part of our love story, Conference Room 4B – is that I may be able to spend more time with you than any other person, and we will be together, possibly forever. Now that just sent a leaping through my heart and a symphony to my ears – one sound loud and powerful, I just might keel over and die. All for you.