Feeling the HATE

Nope, the following entry will not be a philosophic pandering on the abundance of hate in the modern world. Instead it is about why my friends, the people the very closest to me, hate me. You see lately, I’ve been receiving a string of emails that very plainly point to their feelings of dislike. For example, yesterday, I was minding my own business, sending nice emails to my friends and I check my gmail box as is routine every ten minutes and this is what I found:

A loved one, friend, admirer, or other computer user has sent you a card from someecards.com!

Oh I thought! How nice! So I opened it:


Message: Just thought I’d shoot it to you straight. Anne.

Anne – you just got one strike against a visit by me to Seattle. Strike three – you have to buy my ticket yourself…..

So if that was enough hate for the day, I was talking to my two old college roommates over email. Having a pleasant discussion about the fact that I just turned 24 and they are, indeed, almost 25 :).

And look what their responses to my gentle reminders of their upcoming birthdays were!!!

Tessa: Katie and I may be turning 25, but at least we're not showing early signs
of Alzheimer's Disease and we can remember where we put our cheese

Katie: good call. and tessa and i have hot bodies.

Excuse me! Now they are bashing my weight. So my best friends just called me a) a social loser b) fat and diseased.

Lol.

Aren’t you glad you don’t have friends like me. Time for new friends: TO THE PALACE.

I’d rather not meet at the convenience store. Thanks.

So I don’t like to write about this kind of stuff, but I just have to comment on this one. So today, I was minding my own business, writing some good ‘ol creative work on like the Settlement Department and an with the familiar alert beep, a new message popped up in my inbox. It said:

Subject: Hey!

I would like buy you a soda or something on this hot summer day. What do ya say?

Ron
(the woo guy)

Just from the name. You can tell this might be trouble. I have met this guy once at a Discover your Strengths class – his was woo, hence the woo, and I would say he is upper thirties. Which, I guess doesn’t matter too much, but still, not really what I’m looking for. So I was like, great, what am I supposed to say because I could run into him in the halls at any minutes. After pondering for a bit, I wrote back that I was really busy today and had to be out by five, but thanks anyway.

My co-worker said that he would write back. He bet that he would. “Look you’ve got a suitor! If you don’t tell him you have a boyfriend waiting for you at five he’ll write back.”

I disagreed, I thought he would get the point. The other guy who sits next to me asked what we were discussing, so I showed him the emails, and his reply was:

“That guy, he’s a total creep, I’m surprised he hasn’t gotten fired for sexual harassment. He hits on all the girls! You really missed out too, before he had a mullet.”

Great, not really what I wanted to hear. Sure enough, not long after I sent the not-so-apologetic “I’m busy” email I get a response back again.

Re:Hey!
“Ah yes deadlines, gotta love them. I'll try you back later in the week. Maybe we could meet in the Atrium and grab something from the little store, If that's cool with you!”

Now he wants to grab something from the convenience store. No no. Listen up people: Work email is an inappropriate place to try and ‘get to know someone better,’ or get a soda owhatever you call it. And, a diet Pepsi and some Funions are not going to tempt me into making an exception. Especially, if you are over thirty five. Thank you.

Epilogue – I just found out this gets creepy. Apparently, this guy sent the copier repair man up to my floor to 'find stuff out' about me. So the copier repair man came up and starting asking the front secretary all these questions. She was a bit confused. Then he wandered over here to find out what I do and where I work - without saying a word to me. Creepy? Yes. Who send the copier repair man up to spy on someone. How is this my life? (thanks for the phrase Anne)

Way to Save Africa People! Now Drink My Keg.

Today I pulled up into my office parking lot at 7:45. Like usual, I was fifteen minutes late. Not so usual, I had a giant keg in the back seat of my car. I really hope no employee of supervisoral status was observing me as I fitted my car between the yellow lines. I did my best to sneakily hide the keg from view, but the sun reflecting off its large, steel surface didn’t really help me out too well. Neither did the fact that the thing takes up like the whole backseat.

My lonely, fat keg lost its twin on Friday night at our HEAL Africa party. The left over keg is most stubborn of the two because even though it saw its partner disappearing, it refused to be emptied. And as punishment, it now has to reside in my hot car until I find some way to get rid of it. This way is yet unknown to me so if anyone would like to drink a couple gallons of stellar, tasty Rolling Rock, please send me a memo and we can work something out. Maybe we can tap it during lunch sometime? Lunch break anyone? I think I would like a Rolling Rock lunch break, work has been pretty dang LAME lately.

Anyway, regardless of the leftover keg, our benefit party was pretty successful Friday night. So thanks everyone who came! We raised over $700 for HEAL Africa, of course this donation will be offset a little bit due to the unexpected beer prices that were endured Friday night, but hey, Africa will still get a lot of money anyway. Thanks to you, my generous friends. Who needs The Fray when you all already know How to Save a Life (cheesy song allusion, sorry). When I head over to Afrique in a few weeks, Harper said that I can hand pick where our donations go. So, if anyone has some input, please advise.

A few weeks, man, I am leaving in 3.5 weeks. Still seems like kind of a long ways away to me, especially since that’s like 25 work days or something. I am only waiting on my passport. And I suppose I will have to take a trip to REI or Target for supplies. The second night of our trip, we are staying at the famous “Hotel Rwanda,” otherwise known as Les Milles Collines. It is located in Kigali, Rwanda. Don’t worry, no one was killed at the Hotel during the genocide. Plus, it looks a little different because the movie was actually filmed at a Hotel in South Africa. Those Hollywood tricksters. From Rwanda, we will trek across the border to Goma and from there we will HEAL Africa. I promise to wipe the continent free from AIDS in 12 days straight. Guaranteed.

Ok maybe not. Let’s face it, I can even solve the problem of my left over keg. I have a lot of work to do...

No More Falling In Love: I Can't Afford It

Excuse me, I have a bone to pick here. Every time I look on the good ‘ol FB, another couple of my “friends” are engaged. OK people time to stop getting married. Particularly my close friends, if you could not get married for awhile that would be great. Unless you want me to a) not have friends, b) be completely broke from wedding activities. Come on friends, think of others here!!!

Friends that are getting married this summer: Do not be offended, you know I love going to your festivities, weddings are a blast, but pile one on top of the other and pretty soon my financial security collapses. I mean we have bachelorette parties, showers, pre-wedding parties, rehearsals, the weddings themselves etc… This summer isn’t even bad. I only have two weddings to go to. Both of which, mind you, I am very excited about.

Last summer, however, was a different story. I had a ridiculous amount of weddings to attend that left me in the debtor’s prison. And I didn’t even have to pay for the wedding I was actually in. I can’t imagine what shape I would have been in if I had. Thank you Tessa!! This gets me thinking, maybe people should get married when they are older, because then their friends will have more money to spend on them. None of this post-college-grad-broke sort of thing to deal with. I mean, you graduate and are faced not only with looming college debt, but also with the cost of others falling in love. Yeah, if you could not fall in love until like 2013, I would really appreciate it.

Oh, another thing about weddings is the time. See you not only have to go to the wedding, but all the activities surrounding the wedding. That’s like, every weekend in the summer if you have six to go to like I did. Seriously! And I only caught the bouquet once! I want my money back! (JK LOVE YOU ALL).

Ok I’ll stop complaining now. Because all in all, weddings are fun to attend, in moderation of course. I’m actually going to a bachelorette party this weekend which will be a blast. Plus it’s fun getting all dolled up, putting on your dancing shoes and wrapping up your presents in little silver bows. And sometimes, when the bride and the groom say “I do,” I actually forget about myself for a moment and are overjoyed at their happiness.

I know hard to believe, but true :)

Apparently Spice Can Talk

I just watched this movie about a woman who spoke to spices. They told her things. This is weird. The only reason the movie was any good was because it had beautiful people in it. So that when the woman's acting was horrible they just took long panning shots of her face so people would forget about the bad acting and think the movie is good because she is beautiful. Then they threw Dylan McDermott in there which made me forget the movie sucked because he was beautiful. So beautiful Indian lady and Dylan McDermott fell in love because the spices said that she could fall in love with him.

I think I need to get more spices. Salt and Pepper isn't doing the trick;)


Can I just say something else - that is completely unrelated. I think Paris Hilton purposefully went to jail as a publicity stunt. I can't go to google, yahoo, wherever without hearing about what paris did now in jail. In case anyone is interested, a couple hours ago, Paris penned a letter from jail. Gasp. That's so exciting.

OK back to finding spices.

Dear Abby: I Am an Idiot

Each morning as I excitedly come into work, I am charged with the task of doing news searches. One term I search, "money orders," happens to be the most entertaining of all the exciting words (imagine, "payday loans," "prepaid cards," and a multitude of other interesting terms). Money Orders happens to be the most interesting because each day, without fail, it brings up an array of Dear Abby columns. And each day, I cannot believe that people a) actually write into Dear Abby, and b)write about the ridiculous things they do. I would like to share some of the Dear Abby highlight headlines with you, from the past few weeks. Get ready to be intrigued.

Abby's Advice:
(my notes in italics...)
Time not right to tell son dead dad was cross-dresser
I don't even know how to comment on this

Take steps to correct a dangerous laxative habit
- In this column the guy took 15 laxatives a day and wondered if this was 'bad.' No, it's great actually, keep it up.

Widower wants wife's urn to stand as a symbol of his love: Can cremation urn be used as a vase?
I guess, if you are CRAZY

Boy kept in dresses and curls still grows up to be a man
Wow, the proof the homosexuality is not nurtured people, you heard the news straight from a Dear Abby column.

College friend reveals mom's topless past
Attn everyone who used to be a stripper, don't tell your friends

Husband may be having affair with man
That sucks, maybe you should talk to someone OTHER THAN DEAR ABBY.

Hands off pregnant bellies unless OK'd
Wow, I'm glad she let us know. I mean most people just grab women's pregnant stomaches without asking, randomly too. See a pregnant woman, touch her belly, it's almost a reflex.... (seriously abby...)

Teen can get pregnant despite her breast size
Hahaha, apparently, a girl thought she couldn't get pregnant because she was a size a. I wonder how many babies she has now.

Girls avoid college pressure by having 'prom babies'
I know this was the first thought that came to my mind when college got tough - have a baby! Ummm...NO

OK that concludes this month's scan of Dear Abby. Stay tuned for more riveting headlines in future issues.

Random Thoughts: Originated from Boredom

I'm so bored at work right now - amazingly for the first time this week. In my monotony I began studying the objects on my desk, and my eyes ran across my vitamin bottle. Now this got me thinking about all the strange things I do, and people do in general. Let me explain. Everyday, I come into work, look at my vitamin bottle, think 'oh I should take a vitamin," get a glass of water and then think 'oh I will wait until later.' Why? Why not take it now? But I can't. I keep putting it off until I eventually don't take it. This is weird.

Here's another thing I don't understand: Making the bed on a normal day. Why? You're just going to get home late and mess it up again without really getting the opportunity to see it made in the first place. So not worth the effort. I can understand when you're having a party or something, but otherwise this gets marked up high on the pointless scale. Let's see, what other silly things do I/we do. Oh I know claiming doughnuts as a breakfast food.

Who was the first person who decided "oh, I'm going to eat doughnuts for breakfast," and how did this trend ignite? You might as well be eating cake or brownies for breakfast, it's the same thing. It doesn't make any sense. Again. That's like thinking Mamosas are okay to drink for breakfast because they have orange juice in them. Please, it might as well be fruit punch and then it wouldn't be acceptable.

I can't think of anything else weird or random right now. I'm too tired.

To Live or Die: That is the Question

No, don't worry, I'm not asking that question in regards to my life. I am very happy with living. BUT Cristina, Molly and I got into a discussion recently over the death penalty.... I know I know, controversial subject alert.

But this is the jist of the discussion, which was launched by this article right here:

Researchers say that if we imposed the death penalty more often, murder rates would go down. Which means that innocent lives would be saved. What do you think of this? With this in mind should the death penalty be imposed - or not?

Cristina's uncle said (in Molly's words)

"I think what he's saying is that the probabilities and statistics
support that the death penalty is effective as a deterent, but the
deterent method is contradictory to seeing someone's life as whole,
that there is still a possibility for change and redemption and being
executed would end that possibility. He continues to say then that if
that change and redemption was the committment of the system instead
of the death penalty it would affect the culture of not only the
inmates but of us too..."

Now Cristina mentioned that society is not ready or committed to such a change. I would agree. I tend to lean towards the "just" side more than the "mercy" side most times. Even though, as James says "mercy triumphs over judgement." So my bad. But I don't know, maybe it is more merciful to have death row - and save the lives of other.

Compicated topic. Makes my head hurt - please leave thoughts, opinions, ragings, whatever.

Sorry my entries have been lacking lately - blame it on work.

What!? No Spandex at Work??!!

Today at work we received an email from the CEO reminding us of the dress code guidelines. (Click to enlarge please...)



This reminder tends to happen every year, at every company in the late spring. As I was examining the guidelines, it makes me feel like there must be a lot of people working at companies around the U.S. who don’t have a brain. I mean for example, 8th row down, it reminds me that jogging suits are not “business casual.” Really? I was planning on wearing my pink velveteen Juicy Couture track suit tomorrow. Dang. Or how about the one below that – “form fitting spandex,” is not allowed either. Again, that really puts a dent in my wardrobe opportunities. The stupidity of the reminder to NOT wear spandex makes me wonder who actually wore it and prompted it’s appearance on the annual guidelines list. SCARY. I wouldn’t even wear spandex outside, never the less to work. Can you imagine, showing up for a meeting in a spandex jogging suit. Man, that would go against the dress code in so many ways it would be soooo funny.

I guess, next time I want to get fired, I’m going to wear see-through clothing (last box), spandex, skirts shorter than mid-thigh length AND flip flops. Get ready ‘cause here I come.

Stealing from Homeless

Apparently, I am the corporate charity case around here. Not going to lie, I don’t mind carrying that label. Today, it resulted in free lunch. This morning, my co-worker discovered me hunched over the computer, agonizing over my somehow dwindling bank account. Of course, he laughed and went back to his six-digit earning job. However, when I came back from my meager lunch this afternoon of a stale sandwich and an orange, I discovered an Olive Garden salad and breadsticks sitting prettily on my chair.

Naturally, I was pretty pumped since the lunches I bring fail to fill me up, every time. I turned to my co-worker and exclaimed “You brought me lunch!”

He was like “Yeah, I felt kind of bad that you were so depressed about your bank account this morning. And they gave us free breadsticks and salad at Olive Garden so I snatched some extra for you. I figured; it was either you, or the bum on the street.”

Me or the bum on the street huh? Delightful.

I’m not going to lie, I’m kind of glad I got the salad. Now I won’t be hungry the rest of the afternoon. Woohoo! I don’t understand, I get a good job, and all of a sudden I am more broke than I’ve ever been. Who do I blame here? Express? Mac? The Salvation Army downtown?

No, this is who I am going to blame. All the stupid medical/travel expenses related to the Congo trip. Hopefully the trip will be worth begging my somewhat well-to-do co workers for their left over salads. Until then, I’ve discovered the free hot chocolate in the break room fills me up as well. I am living it up.