I hate when you have the kind of conversation that causes painful wincing in retrospect. The kind of wincing where you literally curl your body and distort your face. Unfortunately, this seems to happen way too often for me. Mainly, it happens with people who I have nothing to converse about to begin with, but due to the pressure of social obligation I start chatting it up anyway.
Like, today for instance; I was in the elevator lobby of the 8th floor, and so was a forty-something secretary who works on this floor. Now she’s a very nice lady and she seemed to be writing a card for someone, so I inquire:
Me: “Is that a present?”
Secretary: “Yes, my mom’s turning 79 today.”
Me: “Oh! My grandma’s 88!”
Brilliant Colleen! That in no way relates to how her mom's turning 79! And I’m sure she really wants to know that your grandma’s 88. Esp. since your grandmother is only ten years older than her mother. Stupid.
So I continue anyway:
Me: “Yeah, my mom’s 51, so my grandma had her pretty late.”
Secretary: “Oh really, your mom is so young.”
Me: “Oh yeah… I guess. Well my sister’s 18 and I’m 23.”
What? Why did I feel it was my obligation to tell her the age of every single person in my family? Maybe I should have told her my great aunt was 65 ½.
Seriously, the things that come out of my mouth when I get desperate to formulate some kind of conversation. There have been worse attempts in the past, where I’ve said the kinds of things that make me want to eternally hide my face from the world. I can’t even get into them or I might convulse.
So moral of the story – next time when I have nothing to say, I’m going to stick with the usual “safe” phrases people say. Like, “It’s so (pick your weather condition) outside today,” or “It’s Friday (or Monday),” or in the example of Anne, “Umm….shoot I forgot what I was going to say.” Or perhaps I’ll go Allison Kraus’ route, because often times, I say it best when I say nothing at all.
7 comments:
You changed you font. Its hard to read. I do the same thing, but people don't think Im akward they think I talk to much/ im long winded. hmmm i think i would rather be akward.
Another dispassionate phrase often used in the hospital setting is "So, is the (unit you work on) busy?" or "How long ya here?" (because we work in shifts). It's actually pretty funny because more often than not the people who ask those questions don't even listen to your answer.
To comment on your Alison Kraus reference, however, I'm under the impression that she has something slightly more personal in mind than deserate conversations when she sings that. But then again, I could be wrong, I never really did get into country music.
I'm pretty sure they have medication for cronic footinmouth disease. Might want to check with your doctor :)
Colleen, you guys all knwo that I am horrible at being in conversations that go beyond high-fiving so don't even start. I bet the guy was happy to hear about your grandma. Most girls probably don't even know how old their grandmas are so it probably made him think you are a really cool girl.
and i didn't even realize it when i was leaving my last comment, but i just updated mine with a similar theme...only my conversation was copy and pasted.
Well, at least you didn't directly insult the nice lady. I occasionally do that in awkward conversations...and always unintentionally.
I would like to thank everyone for their encouragement of my little problem. Except for Mike - your comment was not very encouraging, unless of course, you can find me some of this "medicine" you talk about:)
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