Garrison Keillor once said that “God designed the month of March to show people who don’t drink what a hangover feels like.” I agree, well at least with the inference of March’s repulsiveness. March gives you a headache; it makes you depressed, and is a yearly reminder of why I don’t drink that much. Why would I want to experience March every weekend?
Anyway, now that I’ve impressively pulled out a Garrison Keillor quote, (don’t deny you’re impressed) allow me to elaborate on why March is so horrible. In fact, I would go as far as to say it is the worst month of the year, at least for us in the land of sky-tinted water. You see March presents us with hope – and then crushes it. It’s like someone dangling the most exquisite piece of chocolate in front of you, letting you have a bite, and then taking the rest away. In March’s case – the hope, and the chocolate, is spring. Even though I have been through March twenty-three times in Minnesota, each time I think that the month brings spring and the onset of warmth. But every year, I am vexingly wrong. Not only are we completely sick of winter by March, but this conning month thinks its funny to make us marinate in our depression by throwing things like freezing temperatures, despairingly gray streets and skies, and 20 feet of snow in our face. Do you know how many times I’ve slipped in front of people this week – I’ve started to pretend it’s a new dance move, that’s how many.
And also – the term “In like a lion, out like a lamb,” doesn’t describe the third month. The end of March doesn’t resemble a soft and gentle lamb. I guess a lion is an OK description – minus the beauty. So what animal is ugly and ferocious….a tyrannosaurus rex. Yes – that is my new depiction of March, a tyrannosaurus rex. I hope this explains the title. I like May – now that is a good month.
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