Things I Do Not Understand: A Brief List

Welcome to the first or second version of “Things I Do Not Understand,” a commentary on the mysteries of our world. Like most of my thoughts sans a point, this list was inspired by a really boring class. Let us begin.

Things I Do Not Understand

- Why my predictive text-messaging tool does not like the word “sucks.” Is it censoring my language? Is the word “suck,” or “sucks” offensive to this mechanical being? Every flipping time I try to punch in that word, “pucks,” comes up as default. Dear cell phone, have I ever, in my life, texted the word “pucks?” The answer is no! I have, however, texted the word sucks multiple times! You have stopped bringing up “ankled” instead of “Colleen,” so why insist on “pucks?” And P.S., “sucks” stopped being a swear word in 1950 – long before you were born – so get over it!!!

- Why Minnesota does not medicate itself. Don’t get me wrong; I love Minnesota. It’s pretty much the best state ever - it is one of the most educated states and have one of the highest standards of living in the nation - not to mention we can “drink the tap water and breath the air” (thanks Atmosphere). However, I feel like Minn. could benefit a lot from a few anti-depressants, because it is pretty bi-polar. What else could explain a climate that goes from 75 and sunny on Monday to 35 and snowy on Friday? That is not normal. Out of love, I urge you, Minnesota, to get some help!!!

- Why I had to explain to people, seriously, why Obama is not the antichrist during his campaign. What is our world coming to? I need not say more. (Disclaimer: this is not the fault of those who asked, but rather, those who went around claiming this. To those I say this: Read the Bible, Get a Grip.)

- Arabic. I go to class every day, but I still only know like five words. And don’t even ask me how to put sentences together. I try and it comes out looking like a kindergarten project. I will persevere through.

I can’t think of anything else right now. Apparently everything else in this world makes perfect sense. Sweet!