Today I went to see my sister's last choir concert before her high school graduation in the H-town. I was driving my 88 year-old grandma home and I was like "Well Grandma, can you believe you got to see all of your grandchildren graduate high school?" She said "Yes it was quite a blessing." I chimed in again, "Well maybe you will get to see all of them married too!"
She looks at me and says, "Well, it's not looking very promising."
Ah ha haa ha ha...
What are you going to do:)
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
Pirates of the Caribbean; Version Colleen
So the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy ranks up there on my best movies of all time list. This past Friday the third and final Pirates came out and I eagerly trekked around town trying to find a theater that wasn't sold out. Block E turned out to be our destination and I was very excited as the opening scenes began to roll. The movie was three hours long, and while I was thoroughly entertained throughout, I was quite disappointed with the ending.
OK I was REALLY disappointed with the ending. I mean I don't want to blow it for everyone but I've been waiting for this ending for like four years; my ideal ending anyway, which I was sure would the real ending. But NO it didn't happen. Way to ruin my dreams Disney, I thought you were supposed to make dreams come true or something if you wished upon a star. And I did and you didn't follow through - you sure failed at that.
Anyway, so I've decided to ignore Disney's "head fake ending," and make up my own ending to this brilliant trilogy. This is the ending I will play over and over in mind to satisfy my need for the story-tale conclusion I was so heartlessly denied.
The following is my version of what the last few scenes should have been. I'm pretty sure you will like it better too, so read on:
....Will gets stabbed by the evil Davy Jones and Elizabeth is pleading for his survival as Jones drags her as his prisoner. Will lies close to death holding his chest wound with one hand and reaching desperately for Elizabeth with the other. He is close to death and is just about to be stabbed again by one of Jone's grotesque sailor/sea creatures when Jack Sparrow makes an unusually sacrificial move to pull Will away from danger. The knife's blade shows no mercy however, and pierces Sparrow in the heart as he is saving Will. Jone's beating heart is right next to Will and out of anger frusteration he slices is to a standstill. Jones, who is dragging Elizabeth, finally disolves into lifeless matter with a frightening screech. Elizabeth runs over to Will who is standing over the dying Sparrow. Will's father, Bootstrap, sees all that has taken place. Now that Jones is dead the ship of the dead needs a faithful captain to bring them back to the good soul trolliers they once were. Elizabeth embraces Will and they kiss - for a long time. Jack slips into death and Boostrap and crew crown him the new captain in honor of his sacrifice. The scene switches to Sparrow, alive in the land of the pirate dead or "davy jone's locker," leading the Dutchman on its new, redeemed path. Will and Elizabeth, who are newly married, become co-captains of the Black Pearl and King and Queen of the Pirate bretheran. They honeymoon on an exotic island and live a passionate, beautiful happy life together forever.
The end. Seriously - Disney, take my advice and next time, hire me to write your movies.
OK I was REALLY disappointed with the ending. I mean I don't want to blow it for everyone but I've been waiting for this ending for like four years; my ideal ending anyway, which I was sure would the real ending. But NO it didn't happen. Way to ruin my dreams Disney, I thought you were supposed to make dreams come true or something if you wished upon a star. And I did and you didn't follow through - you sure failed at that.
Anyway, so I've decided to ignore Disney's "head fake ending," and make up my own ending to this brilliant trilogy. This is the ending I will play over and over in mind to satisfy my need for the story-tale conclusion I was so heartlessly denied.
The following is my version of what the last few scenes should have been. I'm pretty sure you will like it better too, so read on:
....Will gets stabbed by the evil Davy Jones and Elizabeth is pleading for his survival as Jones drags her as his prisoner. Will lies close to death holding his chest wound with one hand and reaching desperately for Elizabeth with the other. He is close to death and is just about to be stabbed again by one of Jone's grotesque sailor/sea creatures when Jack Sparrow makes an unusually sacrificial move to pull Will away from danger. The knife's blade shows no mercy however, and pierces Sparrow in the heart as he is saving Will. Jone's beating heart is right next to Will and out of anger frusteration he slices is to a standstill. Jones, who is dragging Elizabeth, finally disolves into lifeless matter with a frightening screech. Elizabeth runs over to Will who is standing over the dying Sparrow. Will's father, Bootstrap, sees all that has taken place. Now that Jones is dead the ship of the dead needs a faithful captain to bring them back to the good soul trolliers they once were. Elizabeth embraces Will and they kiss - for a long time. Jack slips into death and Boostrap and crew crown him the new captain in honor of his sacrifice. The scene switches to Sparrow, alive in the land of the pirate dead or "davy jone's locker," leading the Dutchman on its new, redeemed path. Will and Elizabeth, who are newly married, become co-captains of the Black Pearl and King and Queen of the Pirate bretheran. They honeymoon on an exotic island and live a passionate, beautiful happy life together forever.
The end. Seriously - Disney, take my advice and next time, hire me to write your movies.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Who is this kid?
It’s true, ever since last week’s commencement of my 24th year, I’ve been undergoing an “Omigosh I’m getting old pretty soon I’ll have wrinkles and cancer,” crisis.
Luckily, my colleagues at work are quick to remind me otherwise; perhaps a little too quick. Maybe I’m too sensitive, but I’ve gotten the “who is this kid” vibe enough that I prefer to email rather than meet in person because then, people can’t tell my age. Even the phone isn’t safe. I was talking to a woman the other day on the phone and she was like “you sound young, did you just graduate?”
No, no I did not.
Please, I’m 24 not 14. Apparently, some people here aren’t used to dealing with members of the human race below age 30. Unless of course, those members are their sons and daughters, to whom I’ve been compared many times. Yesterday I got the “My son is older than you,” comment. The other week, I was casually existing in the socially-awkward cave we call an elevator, when an older fellow turned to me and said “Do you work here?”
I looked at him a bit surprised – considering I had my badge on. “Yes,” I replied.
“Oh, ‘because you look the same age as my daughter and she’s in college.”
“Oh.” (Uncomfortable laugh from me – what am I supposed to say??)
When I first started the CFO – who is really great actually – walked past my desk and commented on how dark it was. But then he was like “oh you guys don’t need light, I know because my kids work in the dark all the time.”
His daughter’s 17.
And my favorite: “I’ve worked here for 18 years, probably longer than you’ve been alive!”
Again, no I am not 18 – although, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Also, I cannot believe someone would stay in one place for that many years. Seriously.
Let’s be honest, while I am thrilled that I look so “young” – it can work against you as you are trying to gain responsibility and respect in conservative institution. So I was thinking about getting a plaid suit with giant gold earrings and wearing my hair in a bun at work. Or getting rid of my iPod.
Ha – no way, I’ll never get rid of my iPod.
Luckily, my colleagues at work are quick to remind me otherwise; perhaps a little too quick. Maybe I’m too sensitive, but I’ve gotten the “who is this kid” vibe enough that I prefer to email rather than meet in person because then, people can’t tell my age. Even the phone isn’t safe. I was talking to a woman the other day on the phone and she was like “you sound young, did you just graduate?”
No, no I did not.
Please, I’m 24 not 14. Apparently, some people here aren’t used to dealing with members of the human race below age 30. Unless of course, those members are their sons and daughters, to whom I’ve been compared many times. Yesterday I got the “My son is older than you,” comment. The other week, I was casually existing in the socially-awkward cave we call an elevator, when an older fellow turned to me and said “Do you work here?”
I looked at him a bit surprised – considering I had my badge on. “Yes,” I replied.
“Oh, ‘because you look the same age as my daughter and she’s in college.”
“Oh.” (Uncomfortable laugh from me – what am I supposed to say??)
When I first started the CFO – who is really great actually – walked past my desk and commented on how dark it was. But then he was like “oh you guys don’t need light, I know because my kids work in the dark all the time.”
His daughter’s 17.
And my favorite: “I’ve worked here for 18 years, probably longer than you’ve been alive!”
Again, no I am not 18 – although, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Also, I cannot believe someone would stay in one place for that many years. Seriously.
Let’s be honest, while I am thrilled that I look so “young” – it can work against you as you are trying to gain responsibility and respect in conservative institution. So I was thinking about getting a plaid suit with giant gold earrings and wearing my hair in a bun at work. Or getting rid of my iPod.
Ha – no way, I’ll never get rid of my iPod.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Getting Drugged Up
I just got poked with six needles. It wasn’t too bad. Not the hysterical pain I remember as a youngster – but the soreness is slowly spreading through my arm now. I'm not going to lie, the mass amount of vaccinations and prescriptions I received this past hour at the Travel Clinic have made me a bit nervous. Or maybe it was the fifty-page packet they gave me detailing the diseases in Africa and the meticulous precautions we need to take to avoid them. Well, the fifty band-aids on my arms should be a start.
It’s just so funny that they have these diseases somewhere. I mean, I hate to sound naïve but seriously. Polio? Yellow Fever? Malaria? Not going to lie, I thought those were all eliminated in 1955. And they were, over here. Sad.
I got a few goody prescriptions, including Ambien. Yeah:). That will knock me out good on the plane ride. Just what I will need to prevent a massive panic attack as the African plane I am on begins thrusting back and forth over the Kenyan countryside. I really wish we could fly Northwest Airlines all the way to Nairobi. Ohhhhhh… I’m sure I will be fine.
Anyway, the trip is coming up. Two months away, I can hardly believe it. It doesn’t really seem like I’m going. I can’t let it feel like reality though, because then I won’t concentrate on work. Which I have to do now, so I will go. But don’t worry – you will never get polio from me. I am full vaccinated.
It’s just so funny that they have these diseases somewhere. I mean, I hate to sound naïve but seriously. Polio? Yellow Fever? Malaria? Not going to lie, I thought those were all eliminated in 1955. And they were, over here. Sad.
I got a few goody prescriptions, including Ambien. Yeah:). That will knock me out good on the plane ride. Just what I will need to prevent a massive panic attack as the African plane I am on begins thrusting back and forth over the Kenyan countryside. I really wish we could fly Northwest Airlines all the way to Nairobi. Ohhhhhh… I’m sure I will be fine.
Anyway, the trip is coming up. Two months away, I can hardly believe it. It doesn’t really seem like I’m going. I can’t let it feel like reality though, because then I won’t concentrate on work. Which I have to do now, so I will go. But don’t worry – you will never get polio from me. I am full vaccinated.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Letting go of an era
I've made up my mind. I'm buying a new Mac tonight. This is a big step for me - I've had my dinosaur computer since 2001. It's shared a lot of formative years with me, but recently I've realized it's time to let it go. I was going to wait to get a Mac - so I could pay cash for it, but a couple of recent signs persuaded me to just go ahead and get the job done.
One sign was the woman at Best Buy I talked to today. I was asking her about computers, and she asked me what computer I had now. "A 2001 Gateway," I ashamadely replied. A look of shock briefly swept her face. She's like "oh! I didn't even know computers could last that long!"
The other thing is that Dinosaur recently lost it's keyboard - so I've been having to copy and paste letters from old word documents to sign into gmail and facebook. I cannot reply to anything though, just look, because copying and pasting a reply is a little too tedious. So this is a serious handicap.
Also two nights ago for no apparent reason my computer went schizo, and hasn't stopped. It now subsequently turns on and off by itself like every twenty minutes or so. Awaking me in the night with brief glows of it's neon blue screen. I would just turn it off - but I'm afraid that if I do, I wouldn't be able to get it started again because last time was iffy. And I have lots of music I need to save.
So it's time to get a new computer. Thank you interest free financing and my current corporate job. I know my life will get fifty times easier, and you all will receive way more facebook wall posts from me.
One sign was the woman at Best Buy I talked to today. I was asking her about computers, and she asked me what computer I had now. "A 2001 Gateway," I ashamadely replied. A look of shock briefly swept her face. She's like "oh! I didn't even know computers could last that long!"
The other thing is that Dinosaur recently lost it's keyboard - so I've been having to copy and paste letters from old word documents to sign into gmail and facebook. I cannot reply to anything though, just look, because copying and pasting a reply is a little too tedious. So this is a serious handicap.
Also two nights ago for no apparent reason my computer went schizo, and hasn't stopped. It now subsequently turns on and off by itself like every twenty minutes or so. Awaking me in the night with brief glows of it's neon blue screen. I would just turn it off - but I'm afraid that if I do, I wouldn't be able to get it started again because last time was iffy. And I have lots of music I need to save.
So it's time to get a new computer. Thank you interest free financing and my current corporate job. I know my life will get fifty times easier, and you all will receive way more facebook wall posts from me.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
To Paint a Dog
The other day I was on top of Joe’s Garage, having a nice conversation with some high school girlfriends. Suddenly, my ear catches the end of a strange sentence coming from my left. “….and he paints the dogs so no one will recognize them,” my friend stated.
I quickly turned, (to quote Beyonce,) “to the left, to the left,” and demanded clarification. “What? Who paints dogs?”
My friend Sarah had been speaking. “This guy that was staring at my aunt’s puppy the other day, my aunt got suspicious so she called the police. She pointed out the guy to the police and the police immediately recognized his description because he sometimes wears a diaper and like stretches in the fields.”
At this point I was thinking; “this must be a story from Big Fish (the movie).”
“Anyway,” Sarah continued, “So apparently this guy is known for stealing dogs and painting them so their owners don’t recognize them.”
Are you serious? This is the strangest story I have ever heard. Why are people so weird? I mean painting dogs? Sure, the owners won’t recognize the dogs – but like people aren’t going to think something fishy is going on when the lay their eyes on a brown-paint crusted dog. My goodness.
Another one of my friends, who I will call Becky, decided to add her opinion to this guy’s clever little puppy scam. “That’s dumb,” she said. “If he stole my dog and painted him I’d just say Cooper and he would look at me and I would know it’s him.”
Well, Becky, I guess that would work if Cooper was to go missing and you were to assume he were “painted,” and call out “Cooper,” to every painted dog you see. Otherwise, that idea won’t work so well.
Well folks, that’s really all I have for you. No real poignant message to emit. Just that there are some crazy people in this world. Oh yeah, and if you ever see a guy wearing a diaper and walking a painted dog, please contact the police.
I quickly turned, (to quote Beyonce,) “to the left, to the left,” and demanded clarification. “What? Who paints dogs?”
My friend Sarah had been speaking. “This guy that was staring at my aunt’s puppy the other day, my aunt got suspicious so she called the police. She pointed out the guy to the police and the police immediately recognized his description because he sometimes wears a diaper and like stretches in the fields.”
At this point I was thinking; “this must be a story from Big Fish (the movie).”
“Anyway,” Sarah continued, “So apparently this guy is known for stealing dogs and painting them so their owners don’t recognize them.”
Are you serious? This is the strangest story I have ever heard. Why are people so weird? I mean painting dogs? Sure, the owners won’t recognize the dogs – but like people aren’t going to think something fishy is going on when the lay their eyes on a brown-paint crusted dog. My goodness.
Another one of my friends, who I will call Becky, decided to add her opinion to this guy’s clever little puppy scam. “That’s dumb,” she said. “If he stole my dog and painted him I’d just say Cooper and he would look at me and I would know it’s him.”
Well, Becky, I guess that would work if Cooper was to go missing and you were to assume he were “painted,” and call out “Cooper,” to every painted dog you see. Otherwise, that idea won’t work so well.
Well folks, that’s really all I have for you. No real poignant message to emit. Just that there are some crazy people in this world. Oh yeah, and if you ever see a guy wearing a diaper and walking a painted dog, please contact the police.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
I am older, but SO much wiser
I turn 24 in 2 hours. Literally two hours too, since I was born exactly at midnight, well supposedly. I could've been born at 11:59 or 12:01. The doctors let my parents pick my birthday, either the 13th or the 14th. They obviously picked the 14th because it was a Sat., and they didn't want me being born on Friday the 13th. Thanks for having my back mom. Anyway I was fairly depressed about entering into my "mid-twenties," until I decided to reflect on years gone by for nostalgia's sake. I stumbled upon my old diaries when I was at home in Hastings today - and after reading them - I'm not going to lie, I'm a little grateful to be 24. Can we say stupidity of youth??? So, in humility, I am going to share one with you today, simply for humor's sake, and as an encouragement to embrace the wisdom that has come with our "aging." (OK I know we are still young, but it's still rough). So here you go. NO making fun people - I was 14.
3/5/98 - Dear Journal, Tomorrow we begin our 18-hour journey to Colorado! I'm just going to write a little story about how I dream the trip will be, okay!
(this is the story...hahahaha, spelling not corrected) I pulled myself toward the chairlift. I groaned when I realized that my companion left me alone for a twenty minute ride up the hill.
"Wait, wait!"
I looked back.
"Can I please ride up with you? My friends are waiting for me at the top."
I was looking into the face of the cutest boy in the world. "Sure," I said. Yes! Yes! Yes! I was thinking, I couldn't believe my luck! "So what's your name?"
"Jack Matthews," he replied, "and you?"
a
"I'm Colleen, I'm from Minnesota."
"You are? Me too! What town?"
"Hastings."
"I'm from Woodbury."
"Neat." This just keeps getting better. We got into a conversation and started flirting.
"You know, you're pretty cute," Jack caught me offguard but I quickly got back in. I smiled sweetly.
"You're not that ugly yourself."
"Do you want to come skiing with me?" He asked.
"Sure but I'm not very good and my sister has to tag along.
uld
"That's okay, we'll ski easy."
So that's how me and Jack hit it off. He was 16 by the way, and because of him I had the best vacation ever!
CONVERT BACK TO REAL TIME
Hahahaha. I can't believe I just shared that with everybody. That was my pathetic little 14 year-old self. I didn't even include the songs I made up (seriously "Royal Blue Princess" would've been a hit) or the conversations I included with the boys I liked (Today I ran into (name) I said "Hi _________!" He said "Hi Colleen!, how's your dating life?" Then he got distracted. I wonder what how's your dating life mean -does it mean he likes me or he wants me to like someone else...) Ohhhh I feel SO much better about turning 24. I mean if I this smart now, just think of how smart I will be at 30;)
Moral of the story - getting older isn't so bad - well at least until you turn 35. Then your fertile years are over... OK peace out, and happy birthday to me. I've made it this far, and hopefully will have a lot farther to go.
3/5/98 - Dear Journal, Tomorrow we begin our 18-hour journey to Colorado! I'm just going to write a little story about how I dream the trip will be, okay!
(this is the story...hahahaha, spelling not corrected) I pulled myself toward the chairlift. I groaned when I realized that my companion left me alone for a twenty minute ride up the hill.
"Wait, wait!"
I looked back.
"Can I please ride up with you? My friends are waiting for me at the top."
I was looking into the face of the cutest boy in the world. "Sure," I said. Yes! Yes! Yes! I was thinking, I couldn't believe my luck! "So what's your name?"
"Jack Matthews," he replied, "and you?"
a
"I'm Colleen, I'm from Minnesota."
"You are? Me too! What town?"
"Hastings."
"I'm from Woodbury."
"Neat." This just keeps getting better. We got into a conversation and started flirting.
"You know, you're pretty cute," Jack caught me offguard but I quickly got back in. I smiled sweetly.
"You're not that ugly yourself."
"Do you want to come skiing with me?" He asked.
"Sure but I'm not very good and my sister has to tag along.
uld
"That's okay, we'll ski easy."
So that's how me and Jack hit it off. He was 16 by the way, and because of him I had the best vacation ever!
CONVERT BACK TO REAL TIME
Hahahaha. I can't believe I just shared that with everybody. That was my pathetic little 14 year-old self. I didn't even include the songs I made up (seriously "Royal Blue Princess" would've been a hit) or the conversations I included with the boys I liked (Today I ran into (name) I said "Hi _________!" He said "Hi Colleen!, how's your dating life?" Then he got distracted. I wonder what how's your dating life mean -does it mean he likes me or he wants me to like someone else...) Ohhhh I feel SO much better about turning 24. I mean if I this smart now, just think of how smart I will be at 30;)
Moral of the story - getting older isn't so bad - well at least until you turn 35. Then your fertile years are over... OK peace out, and happy birthday to me. I've made it this far, and hopefully will have a lot farther to go.
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