To Paint a Dog

The other day I was on top of Joe’s Garage, having a nice conversation with some high school girlfriends. Suddenly, my ear catches the end of a strange sentence coming from my left. “….and he paints the dogs so no one will recognize them,” my friend stated.

I quickly turned, (to quote Beyonce,) “to the left, to the left,” and demanded clarification. “What? Who paints dogs?”

My friend Sarah had been speaking. “This guy that was staring at my aunt’s puppy the other day, my aunt got suspicious so she called the police. She pointed out the guy to the police and the police immediately recognized his description because he sometimes wears a diaper and like stretches in the fields.”

At this point I was thinking; “this must be a story from Big Fish (the movie).”

“Anyway,” Sarah continued, “So apparently this guy is known for stealing dogs and painting them so their owners don’t recognize them.”

Are you serious? This is the strangest story I have ever heard. Why are people so weird? I mean painting dogs? Sure, the owners won’t recognize the dogs – but like people aren’t going to think something fishy is going on when the lay their eyes on a brown-paint crusted dog. My goodness.

Another one of my friends, who I will call Becky, decided to add her opinion to this guy’s clever little puppy scam. “That’s dumb,” she said. “If he stole my dog and painted him I’d just say Cooper and he would look at me and I would know it’s him.”

Well, Becky, I guess that would work if Cooper was to go missing and you were to assume he were “painted,” and call out “Cooper,” to every painted dog you see. Otherwise, that idea won’t work so well.

Well folks, that’s really all I have for you. No real poignant message to emit. Just that there are some crazy people in this world. Oh yeah, and if you ever see a guy wearing a diaper and walking a painted dog, please contact the police.