Thanksgiving: Family, Turkeys, and a Little Too Much Information

"Kids these days are so irresponsible, they lack common sense," my uncle complained at our Thanksgiving holiday. "I was permiscuous during my days, but I used contraception. They just need to use contraception."

At this point I'm thinking too much information seriously. Yet, it got worse. My mom piped in. "Steven, sleeping with a whore in another country is not responsible," she said.

WHAT! I turned to my uncle, flabbergasted, "you slept with a hooker!" He's like "I was young and dumb (and ended the phrase inappropriately..). Plus I was in Vietnam, I couldn't find a girlfriend!"

Omigosh. And you thought your family is crazy. Well, does your 60 year-old uncle talk about sleeping with hookers at Thanksgiving?? Mmmmm, hopefully not. My dad's side of the family is a little crazy. I'm not sure how my dad turned out so normal. Maybe because was too young for the Vietnam draft.

That night I was watching Knocked Up (which, is really funny despite its vulgarity) with that same uncle and my mon. In the movie the dumb guys are smoking pot with a gas mask on. I guess it gets you more high or something? I don't know, sounds idiotic. Guess who comments again? Good 'ol uncle Steve. "I used to do that back in vietnam!"

My mom rolled her eyes. My goodness. How did we all end up so tame. Maybe because my mom's side of the family is ridiculously conservative - so my mom helped level out any craziness my dad inherited from his side.

Another funny story from the happy holidays. My aunt smokes cigarettes, and my parents keep one lowly ash tray in the garage for use by guests. So my aunt took the ash tray outside. She's smoking, and as usual, puts her cigarette out in the ash tray. To her surprise, a giant flame explodes from the ash tray - about three feet high. She screams. We run outside. "What the hell was in that ash tray?!" she shouts.

My dad comes over. "Oh you used the ash tray? There was paint thinner it it, I was using it to hold the paint thinner."

"Who puts paint thinner in an ash tray!!!!" My aunt yells, obviously a bit peturbed.

Well obviously, my dad. Ha ha, thank goodness no one was hurt and the most that resulted was a hilarious story. Happy Thanksgiving, from one strange family to the other.