Each morning as I excitedly come into work, I am charged with the task of doing news searches. One term I search, "money orders," happens to be the most entertaining of all the exciting words (imagine, "payday loans," "prepaid cards," and a multitude of other interesting terms). Money Orders happens to be the most interesting because each day, without fail, it brings up an array of Dear Abby columns. And each day, I cannot believe that people a) actually write into Dear Abby, and b)write about the ridiculous things they do. I would like to share some of the Dear Abby highlight headlines with you, from the past few weeks. Get ready to be intrigued.
Abby's Advice:
(my notes in italics...)
Time not right to tell son dead dad was cross-dresser
I don't even know how to comment on this
Take steps to correct a dangerous laxative habit
- In this column the guy took 15 laxatives a day and wondered if this was 'bad.' No, it's great actually, keep it up.
Widower wants wife's urn to stand as a symbol of his love: Can cremation urn be used as a vase?
I guess, if you are CRAZY
Boy kept in dresses and curls still grows up to be a man
Wow, the proof the homosexuality is not nurtured people, you heard the news straight from a Dear Abby column.
College friend reveals mom's topless past
Attn everyone who used to be a stripper, don't tell your friends
Husband may be having affair with man
That sucks, maybe you should talk to someone OTHER THAN DEAR ABBY.
Hands off pregnant bellies unless OK'd
Wow, I'm glad she let us know. I mean most people just grab women's pregnant stomaches without asking, randomly too. See a pregnant woman, touch her belly, it's almost a reflex.... (seriously abby...)
Teen can get pregnant despite her breast size
Hahaha, apparently, a girl thought she couldn't get pregnant because she was a size a. I wonder how many babies she has now.
Girls avoid college pressure by having 'prom babies'
I know this was the first thought that came to my mind when college got tough - have a baby! Ummm...NO
OK that concludes this month's scan of Dear Abby. Stay tuned for more riveting headlines in future issues.
4 comments:
I think "Dear Abby" is dead. Pretty sure of it. I wonder if these people actually think Abby is sitting there waiting for their letters to come in. The column should be named "Dear Minimum Wage Journalism Major".
Dear Abby, I am way more normal than all of the other advice seekers but I end up having more problems in life because I have problems doing certain things, like, well, you know. And to make matters worse, the problem affects both ends of the situation. It is affecting the way things work. Especially the more important things. Do you know what I mean? I need help.
If Dear Abby is dead, I vote that Colleen replace her. Are you any good with advice? I have problems with commitment due to excessive expectations in my relationships. I think its because I had a dominating mother. How can I go about changing that about myself?
Thanks
only_mom's_good_enough
Laura - look what I found in the fine print of today's Dear Abby column:
Problems? Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips.
They say it so matter-of-factly. Like Jeanne Phillips is just another name for "Abby."
What a scam
Post a Comment